Pieces of You
by Shiny Jewel
Summary: Deacon reflects on his history and his future with an old friend.


_A/N: This is a two part response to the Special Place challenge. The special place will be revealed in Part 2 - and I promise will be more uplifting than the first._

**Pieces of You**

_July 17th._

It had been almost two decades, and still, every year, the anniversary of Vince's death always hit Deacon like a ton of bricks.

Back when he was going through his fifth and final time in rehab, a therapist had told him that he would never truly beat his addiction until he stopped punishing himself for what happened that night. While at the time it seemed impossible that he'd ever forgive himself, he knew she was right.

So, for the sake of his recovery, he'd spent a long time slowly letting go of the overwhelming guilt that had been responsible for throwing him into a downward spiral of total self-destruction. But while time had dulled the intensity of the pain of losing his best friend, Deacon still thought about Vince all the time.

It happened at the most random moments, like when he was inside a convenience store paying for a tank of gas and caught a glance of Vince's favorite brand of beer in the refrigerator case, or out for ice cream at Dairy Queen with the girls and overheard someone ordering a bacon cheeseburger and a peanut butter malt.

Just last week he'd been at Music City Pickers and noticed a young guy who slightly resembled Vince scrutinizing a row of bass guitars. His heart sunk, suddenly reminded of the talent wasted and dreams left unrealized by his friend.

Deacon's life was good - there was no denying that. He had just put the finishing touches on his first studio album in almost twenty years; a record he was damn proud of, with a small tour scheduled for the fall. Maddie and Daphne were doing great, and as much as he loved spending time alone with his wife, his favorite weeks were the ones they spent together as a family.

Hell, even he and Teddy were getting along these days.

Best of all, he and Rayna had just celebrated their one year wedding anniversary and the completion of his album with a much needed getaway. They retreated to a secluded resort in Mexico, where they spent the majority of their time in bed - feeding each other dessert off the room service tray, writing songs and having plenty of uninterrupted sex - and the rest swimming in the ocean and lounging in their private cabana on the beach.

While he couldn't be more grateful for all his blessings, he knew how differently his life could have turned out, and the anniversary of the accident was always painful symbol of that. The reality was, his friend would never get to play another note of music, tell another dumb joke, experience the joy of being a husband or a father, or win that Grammy he claimed he was fated for.

July 17th was a day on the calendar that would always engulf Deacon in a dark cloud of sadness when it rolled around, no matter how happy he was, and this year was no different.

It was six in the morning and he had already been up for hours, writing and half-heartedly plucking at his guitar when Rayna wandered into their music room, half asleep.

"You alright babe?" she asked, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "I rolled over in bed and you weren't there. Missed you."

"Couldn't sleep," he said softly, "I was tossin' and turnin' all night long. Didn't wanna wake you."

Rayna sighed softly and tightened her black silk robe over the matching nightie she was wearing. She noticed the instrument Deacon was playing actually belonged to Vince - a prized Gibson Hummingbird that he rarely ever took out of the case. She'd been dreading this day all week, at a loss to whether she should try and distract him or just leave him alone.

Her first instinct was to try and provide some comfort and support, so without another word, she walked over and joined Deacon on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. She leaned up against him and rested her chin on his shoulder, studying his face, which held a serious, troubled expression she hadn't seen in a long while. Even though she had faith in his sobriety, it still made her uncomfortable to see him like this.

As she sat there listening to him play, Rayna tried desperately to keep her eyes open, but after a few minutes she dozed off to the strains of his guitar, her head lightly pressed against his arm. She woke a few minutes later to Deacon looking down at her and lightly stroking her face.

"Baby. You're tired...go on up to bed."

"No, I'm awake," Rayna insisted. She opened her eyes wide and sat up straight, suppressing the urge to yawn. "I'm here to keep you company."

He gave her a sad smile. "Darlin'. I know what you're doin' and you don't have to. I'm fine. I promise you."

"If you come upstairs, I think I could make you feel better than fine," Rayna whispered seductively, leaning forward to kiss his neck.

Her lips had barely made contact with his skin when Deacon grabbed hold of her shoulders and gently pulled away. "As temptin' as that is, I think I'll just stay down here for a while. Play a little bit longer. I'm good. Really."

Rayna hated seeing him like this, but she knew the best thing was probably to back off and leave him alone. She nodded and stood up, bending down to plant a kiss on his forehead.

"Okay babe. You know where I am if you need me."

{**}

"Mom?" Daphne asked, "how come Deacon's sleeping in the music room? When I came down to watch TV I saw him in there. Did you have a fight or something? And how come he's not up yet? He's always up before us." She paused from her rapid-fire interrogation to shovel a forkful of eggs in her mouth, eying her mother curiously from across the kitchen table.

When Rayna had woken up and come downstairs to make breakfast for the girls that morning, she'd gone to check on Deacon and found him passed out where she'd left him a few hours earlier, an open notebook on his chest, looking exhausted. She'd covered him with a blanket and tiptoed out of there, not even realizing Maddie or Daphne might see him and find it odd.

"Maybe that's none of your business," Maddie said, stopping in the middle of typing a text message to roll her eyes at her little sister.

"Who asked you?" Daphne shot back.

"Girls! That's enough," Rayna interjected, taking a sip of coffee and giving both her daughters a warning look. She stole a piece of bacon off Daphne's plate and debated for a second whether she should say something to them before deciding she should. "Actually," Rayna began, "I want to talk to you both about that."

Maddie slowly put down her phone, giving her mom her full attention - a rarity - a concerned expression on her face. Rayna was thankful that Maddie had never seemed to worry about Deacon's drinking, but she could tell that the wheels were turning inside her head.

"What's going on mom? Is Deacon okay?"

Rayna nodded reassuringly. "Of course sweet girl. Everything is just fine. It's just that today is kind of a tough day for him. A long time ago, before either of you were born, your dad had a really good friend that died in an accident and today is the anniversary of that. So if he doesn't seem like himself, that's why."

"Why don't we do something to cheer him up?" Daphne suggested.

Rayna smiled. "Well that is a very sweet thought, but I think what we need to do right now is give him some space. "What do you say we all go do a little shopping? Get you girls some new summer clothes?"

Daphne jumped up from the table with excitement, nearly knocking her plate over. "YES!" she shouted, pumping her fist in the air.

Rayna quickly noticed that Maddie didn't exactly look enthused, and when Daphne ran off to go get dressed, she raised an eyebrow at her oldest daughter. "That's not usually the reaction you have when I offer to take you shopping," she noted.

Maddie shrugged and looked down at her empty breakfast plate. "I'm just worried about dad, that's all."

Rayna reached over and grabbed Maddie's hand in hers. "The last thing he would want is you worryin' about him. He'll be okay. Right now I think we just need to leave him be and have ourselves a girls day. What do you say?"


End file.
